Best and Worst
The Johns Hopkins News-Letter · April 29, 2004
It's what you've all been waiting for. The eighth annual News-Letter Best and Worst of Hopkins, of Baltimore and of life in general. Enjoy.
A Capella
Best: Octopodes. They're singing their way to international renown. Thanks for putting Hopkins arts on the map, dudes.
Worst: Ketzev. Not the most musical of the musical groups. Maybe join Britney Spears. She lip syncs.
Student Group
Best: News-Letter. We don't sleep. And we rock. Our editors put more time into this than anyone on StuCo. A big hats off to our staff. Oh, and we're cuter, too.
Worst: Any club sport. SAC funding going down the drain. Has anyone ever been to an ice hockey match?
Addition to Campus
Best: Redesigned Levering Hall lobby. Goodbye sketchy hanging televisions. Hello coffee bar and real gas fireplaces. The classy new lobby is golden.
Worst: Redesigned Levering dining hall. We thought we left Chuck E. Cheese in our childhood, but it turns out it has come back to haunt us. Talk about sensory overload. At least it saves us the cost of buying LSD.
Campus Event
Best: Diwali Damahka. The Hindu Students Association throws a superb bash of free food and Indian dancing and it manages to fill the Rec Center.
Worst: Class Clash. Wait, what? If you're wondering, it never happened
Speaker
Best: Michael Moore. It's not often you get 2000 people to turn out for anything at Hopkins, much less 2000 people left still standing outside after Shriver is packed to the brim.
Worst: (Tie) Dennis Kucinich and Joe Biden. They both didn't come. Big surprise.
Sports Surprise
Best: Baseball, Women's Basketball, Football, Women's Lacrosse all these teams had record seasons. Way to go.
Worst: Lacrosse losing to Virginia. Big damper on golden dreams. But it's not over yet. Virginia was eliminated from NCAA tournament consideration.
Bathroom
Best: Mattin Center. They may be dark but they're super classy granite and steel, stark and modern.
Worst: Gilman basement. The toilets are old. I think we'll just cross our legs.
Coffee on Campus
Best: Caf?? Q. You'll be late to class just to stand in line and get coffee. Not to mention its nice having your friends serve you.
Worst: Jazzman's. Someone should tell them that it's illegal to mis-market sludge as drip coffee.
Library Figure
Best: That hot chick. Could be anyone of them. It's all about making our days a little bright in such a dark dark place.
Worst: Sketchy grad students that stare at everyone. Please stop. No seriously, please stop.
News-Letter Story
Best: Osama Bin Reyner builds nuclear bomb. We wouldn't trade our Student Council president for anything. Not to mention every quote was real.
Worst: Whimsy flamingos. Did anyone care? At least they're better than flags.
Baltimore Hood
(you'd actually go to)
Best: Mount Vernon. With its classy restaurants and artsy bars, this historic area is one of Baltimore's most picturesque.
Worst: Waverly. Wait, would you actually go there, other than to use the 7/11 or Blockbuster?
Eric Ridge Catch Phrase
Best: "I'm not going to lie ..." This precedes every honest opinion Eric will say.
Worst: "Here's the deal..." This usually means that things are not looking good.
Excuse for staying in
Best: SARS. Yeah, keep that one at home with the crabs.
Worst: "I have a test tomorrow." So do we. Come join the party.
Convenience Store
Best: UniMini. They know your name. Enough said. Just don't eat the egg salad.
Worst: Rofo. Where you can order chicken, and get stabbed in the stomach, too.
Drinking Game
Best: Drinking at deadline. Ever wonder why some of our pages look so bad?
Worst: Drinking by yourself.
Post-lacrosse event
Best: Homecoming Alumni wine and cheese party at the Gatehouse. Find out what Tom Gutting has been up to since he was fired for criticizing Bush.
Worst: Getting hit by an SUV in the death lane. That lane of N. Charles St. needs to go.
Gatehouse wall quote
Best: "We're never going to be here this late next year," Teresa Matejovsky as Editor-in-Chief elect at 3:40 a.m. last year. You see, its funny because, we finished at 6:00 a.m. last week.
Worst: "Do you have any female condiments?"- Anonymous. This brings up imagery we do not want to think about.
Illegal Activity
Best: Underage drinking. It should just be legal.
Worst: Stealing books from the library so that your classmates can't do reading for their exams. If you're that determined to do well, study, don't steal.
Monday night
entertainment
Best: Wings and Yeungs at PJs. Where we'd be if we could, but we can't because...
Worst: News-Letter editor's meeting. Do you want to hear Ron and Teresa ramble for an hour?
Lecture Hall
Best: Hodson 110. High tech screens and wireless internet make this the coolest room on campus.
Worst: Mudd Hall. There's nothing like drab 1970s d??cor and poor lighting to put you to sleep.
Fashion Trend
Best: Spanish style skirts. Those are hot.
Worst: Upturned polo shirt collars. Guys, you look ridiculous. Kind of like a cross between Count Chockula and Zach Morris.
Library Level
Best: M-Level. Its all about hanging out and talking to your friends. Just don't be the guy that asks people to be quiet.
Worst: D-Level. If your pants swish when you walk, they damn you to hell down there. For all those uptight nerds that need their quiet, please stay on D.
Conspiracy Theory
Best: College Republicans power grab. Anyone notice the disproportionate number of JHUCR's elected to StuCo after the referendum passed?
Worst: News-Letter hates Lacrosse. Are you kidding me? We have four or five of the team's biggest fans in the Gatehouse.
Motion Picture
Best: The Return of the King. We can't argue with 11 Oscars and amazing action sequences. It was just a tad too long.
Worst: The Passion. The movie we love to hate.
Political Party
Best: Democrats. Well most of our staff claims to be staunch Democrats (Business staff not included.), so we had to put this.
Worst: Republicans. Read last week's horoscope.
Major
Best: Public Health. You're almost a science major and almost a premed. If you're going for the social science concentration of Public Health you have perhaps the easiest major on campus. Not to mention the program is world renowned and the school is named after Bloomberg himself.
Worst: Earth and Planetary Sciences. Well we don't know anyone taking this major. Some of the classes are known as "rocks for jocks," but if you've ever taken one of them, you will learn that they are far from easy.
Place to Work
Best: Cafe Q. Free coffee anytime you want. Socializing half the time. It's worth it.
Worst:Calvert Street at night. We do not have to explain this.
Place to do it
Best: Homewood Field. For bonus points, score a homerun on the "H." The spotlight is on you.
Worst: The Gatehouse. You have no idea how dirty it is here. However, the mice would enjoy the company.
Post-Graduation Plans
Best: Hanging around. There is nothing you would love more than bumming around campus and trying to hit on freshmen at parties.
Worst: Hanging around. It lets everyone know that you are still unemployed.
Spring Fair Booth
Best: Funnel Cakes. Don't let the name fool you, there are more things than just funnel cakes here. Have you ever heard of a deep fried oreo? Neither have I but it tastes great.
Worst: Any ride. We're in college, those things are for kids. If we wanted to feel all dizzy and throw up then we'd just go to PJ's.
Web Page
Best:http://www.homestarrunner.com. The home of Strong Bad, our hero. Check him out.
Worst: http://www.jhuboe.org. Vote.
Ed. in Chief Wisdom
Best: Stop complaining. If you're page is still empty at 11 p.m. on a Wednesday you should start running and never come back.
Worst: It's more efficient not to sleep. That being, do as we do and just never sleep anyway. You'll get used to it before you know it.